Jennifer Lopez covers Complex Magazine

Our interview takes place after dinner, in a book-lined office/study neatly crammed with all types of J.Lo memorabilia-but not before Lopez reminds her kids, twins Emme and Max, that they have school tomorrow, and have to be in bed by 8 p.m. When she finally enters, Jennifer is barefoot and looking super comfortable in ready-for-bed wear. Yes, the icon wears regular pajamas, and she looks great. Speaking with the aura of a seasoned self-help guru, she reveals how she got to this happy place.

Yeah, well, that’s what we’re taught when we’re little. Little girls are taught that especially. Prince Charming is gonna come along. You’re going to live happily ever after, and then that doesn’t happen. You have your first boyfriend in high school and that falls apart and you’re like, “What’s going on?” [Laughs.] All of these things get shattered one by one. It’s so unfair. Nobody teaches us the important thing from when we’re young, which is to value yourself and love yourself, and then you can share happiness and love with other people. That’s what we should be teaching kids, not fairy tales about Prince Charming rescuing you. Or that you have to be Prince Charming and rescue this girl. It’s funny, we’re formed from the time we’re 0 to 7. We’re battling the rest of our lives trying to figure that out. And now that I have my own kids, I think about that stuff a lot, like, what do I want to teach them? I want them to have fantasies and the fairy tales and all that, but at the same time I want them to know what is important, which is to have a great sense of self and to be good on their own.

Is it possible for relationships to work when the guy is older than the girl? [Yes.] Well, then I would say yes. [Laughs.] What would be different?

[Laughs.] Oh! When you become rich and famous, you don’t have feelings anymore?! That’s what it is. OK! C’mon. It’s not about having money in the bank. You can have all the money in the world and it doesn’t mean you’re a happy person. Money doesn’t solve problems. It makes some things easier but it just gives you a different set of problems. Everything has a trade-off in this world. I’ve learned that from being broke as hell and having money.

It’s not just beautiful women. It’s all women. And it’s all men, too. It’s everyone. People are more surprised when they hear that somebody who is attractive is insecure. I don’t understand that because, again, we’re all human. Nobody looks in the mirror and goes, “That person is so perfect!” It’s just the nature of a human being that they have insecurities. You try to do things that you’re proud of to boost up your self-esteem and your integrity. At the end of the day, you’re the only person who can give that to you. That’s something that everybody struggles with at one time or another. I’m no different than anybody else in that sense.

The rumors at that time were so endless. I still haven’t figured that all out completely. I’ve thought sometimes, “Was it because I was a woman? Was it because I was a minority?” [Laughs.] I was like, “Why me? Why are they picking on me so much? What have I done?” It’s funny. Men get praise when they are successful, like, “Look how great he’s doing.” Women get criticized for some reason. I don’t understand it. All I know is that because I’ve stuck around for so long people realize, “Oh, that must not be true.” [Laughs.] “We finally got to know the real her.”

Yeah, what is she gonna want to do, or how good is she gonna feel about herself? I hope to show her from example that you have to love yourself for who you are. And that doesn’t mean that you can’t do things to enhance yourself, like work out, or if somebody wants to get a nose job. I don’t know. You can take a hard stance on things and then eat your words later. All I’m saying is, at the end of the day, you got to feel happy about who you are inside, and then you can make good choices for yourself.

I’m not allowed to be sexy because I’m a mom? It’s like, How do you think I got my children? [Laughs.] The truth is I don’t want to do anything that they would be embarrassed of in the long run. But at the end of the day, they care more about me being there, taking care of them, than if I’m sexy in a video. And I’m not saying that one day they may not be like, “Mom! Why did you do that?!” [Laughs.] But I don’t think that in 10 years I’m going to be doing that either. Again, it’s about what feels good to me in this moment. It felt right. It’s a good message for women. I’m standing next to this girl who is 24 years old and I’m in my 40s and there’s no difference. Women need to see that and feel that. You can’t let the fear of what people might say or think stop you from doing what you want to do or else we would never do anything.

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