Why Modern Dating Isn’t Broken, Just Evolving – Discover the New Rules!

The social isolation brought about by technology, epidemic lockdowns, and unreasonable expectations of possible partners have caused dating to become "broken," according to some popular culture authors and online posts by dejected singles bemoaning their inability to meet romantic companions.

However, according to study leader Brian Ogolsky, a professor of human development and family studies at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, two studies of college students carried out ten years apart revealed that while the trajectories of their relationships have changed somewhat, their views on romantic relationships have remained largely unchanged.

"College students in our study did not share this perception of dating as a broken system, despite many massive cultural shifts during this decade," Ogolsky stated.

"Their views on partnerships now aren't all that different from those of ten years ago, or even ten years prior. Rather, young adults are evaluating a wider range of outcomes and following more varied and complex paths when it comes to romantic partnering.

In 2012 and early 2022, Ogolsky polled college students between the ages of 18 and 29 to find out what they thought and experienced regarding the normal beginning and development of romantic relationships.

The study was co-authored by U. of I. graduate students Matthew Rivas-Koehl and Ghada Kawas, psychology professor Kiersten Dobson of McMaster University, and Jennifer L. Hardesty, a professor in the same department. It was published in the journal Personal Relationships.

Approximately half of the more than 250 students polled stated they had romantic partners at the time.

Four phases of romantic relationships were identified by the researchers based on the responses of the subjects. The initial phase, referred to as "flirtationship," can take place in person or online and entails fanning the initial flames of attraction through flirtation and the pursuit of shared interests.


Spending more time together, with a strong emphasis on communicative activities that explore whether the relationship should proceed, is how people test the waters for "relationship potential"—the second stage in relationship development—if they are attracted to and interested in each other. According to the statistics, study participants most frequently referred to dating in relation to this stage and frequently emphasized friendship as a crucial foundation for romantic relationships.

"Young adults clearly distinguish dating from being in a relationship," Ogolsky stated. "We referred to the activities we were examining in our study as "relationship development," but it soon became evident that participants did not consider early behaviors to be an inherent component of being in a relationship. Rather, they saw flirtation and even dating as a component of a larger pattern of social contact that might or might not result in a partnership.

According to the researchers, defining their union becomes crucial for the couples if romance does grow and the union moves on to the third stage, which is being in a relationship. This includes designating their status as "official" and identifying themselves as significant others.

Students in both groups were more likely to discuss sexual activity in the context of defining the relationship, even if those in the first study were less inclined to do so. Additionally, the researchers discovered that most of the students in both groups implied that committed relationships should be exclusive and monogamous.

Even while hookup culture—casual sex without commitment—has been the subject of numerous studies on young people' relationships, only nine of the more recent study's participants brought up the topic. Additionally, the researchers postulated that college students might use the term to describe sexual behavior in any situation, including those that take place in a predetermined partnership.

According to Ogolsky, the biggest discrepancies between the two student groups' beliefs surfaced during the third stage. Participants in the 2012 survey were more inclined to think that getting engaged after becoming formal was the normal course of a relationship. Engagement was rarely brought up by those in the 2022 study, who claimed that commitment happens through a variety of other channels, such living together.

"Another difference we found pertained to integrating romantic partners into one's social circle," Ogolsky stated. "Introducing a new partner to family members was the main focus of this process for the students in 2012." But according to the more current study, it involves incorporating the partner into one's larger social networks, which include both family and friends.

"Commitment or bust" is the fourth stage of a relationship. According to Ogolsky, participants talked of reaching a point where they either decide to get married, enter into a long-term legal commitment, or part ways.

According to Ogolsky, participants' perceptions of technology were not as significant as anticipated, despite the explosive expansion of social media, dating apps, and other channels for meeting possible partners that occurred over the ten years between the two surveys.

"When we ask people about relationship prototypes, they're not talking about technology," he stated. "They are considering relationships in general terms. It was intriguing to us that the main focus of relationships was not dating apps, robots, artificial intelligence, or any of the other things we may have anticipated twenty-five or forty years ago.

The National Institute of Food and Agriculture of the U.S. Department of Agriculture provided funding for the project through a HATCH award.