Can You Have Sex With Coronavirus?

Are you human or are you dancer, as that song once asked? Well, if you’re the former, then one question probably has crept into your mind or another part of your body at some point during all this social distancing and COVID-19 coronavirus talk. And that question is, “can I have sex?”

As you probably have figured out by now, social distancing does not mean have sex as much as possible. It is unclear how that could be the response to any type of infectious disease epidemic or pandemic.

In many ways, social distancing seems to be the polar opposite of sex: stay as physically apart from other humans, dancer or not, as you can so that the severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV2) is less able to spread from person to person. There is currently no vaccine or full body condoms that will protect you or anyone else against this nasty virus. As I have described previously for Forbes, the goal of social distancing is to “flatten the curve,” keep the number of infections per day as low as possible so that the health care system doesn’t get overwhelmed.

The guidelines begin with a reminder of how the COVID-19 coronavirus spreads. A person infected with the virus can spread SARS-CoV2 to others who are within a six-foot radius when that person coughs, sneezes, or somehow spews out respiratory droplets. The virus can also be transmitted through direct contact with the infected person’s saliva or mucus. The guidelines add that the virus has been found in feces of people with COVID-19 but not in their semen or vaginal fluid. Additionally, there haven’t been reports of other types of coronaviruses being transmitted purely through semen or vaginal fluids.

So does that mean that you are in the clear for sex as long as poop is not involved? Not exactly. The six-foot radius thing presents a bit of a problem. You probably don’t need a picture drawn to realize that having sex while maintaining at least a six-foot distance apart could be quite challenging. And guys this is not the time for you to explain how well-endowed you may be. Even if you don’t kiss, which by the way involves saliva, you are physically very, very close to your partner during sex. Remember, sex with someone else is the exact opposite of social distancing.

Notice how the last sentence specified with someone else. Well, joy of joys, the NYCDOH mentioned one type of sex that can be totally safe: sex with yourself, otherwise known as, drum roll please, masturbation. The guidelines declare that “you are your safest sex partner.” That’s because you tend to know where you’ve been and what you’ve done, most of the time. Plus, you can easily maintain a six-foot distance from other people while masturbating. In fact, you should probably maintain much more distance than that, a lot more. Perhaps insert some walls and buildings in between as well.

The guidelines do offer one word of warning if you want to “visit the safety deposit box”, “make waffles”, “polish the banister”, or any other synonym of masturbate that you can think of: wash your dirty, dirty hands. And that’s not meant in a moralistic way. It’s meant in a microbiological way. Wash your hands and anything that you may touch yourself with thoroughly using soap and water for at least 20 seconds before and after you do some “Lone Rangering”, “take the self-guided tour”, or “double-click.” If you think that 20 seconds is a long time or at least try to tell your partner that it is, sorry it’s not. Keep in mind that 20 seconds is only about one eighth of the Divinyls’ song “I Touch Myself.” That means that if you are singing the song while lathering up your hands with soap and water, you only have to get to the first, “Oh no, oh no, oh no” and you are ready to rinse off your hands.